last week i got the deep privilege to attend the summer institute for campus ministry on whidbey island with some campus ministries magnates. i went into the institute expecting to enjoy the next four days off work and dink around camp casey but i have returned to grapple with some new questions, wonderful tensions and rich answers. i have been through much in the past three months and i'm beginning to understand that God may not present me with all the answers. i think i'm arriving to the place where i don't need to know the answers. i desperately want to know that there has been a reason for all of the pain, turmoil, and transition that these past few months have been fraught with, but i'm becoming truly okay without having His method to the madness.
while at this institute i had some incredible opportunities to encounter Christ. He showed me a handful of areas where i've failed to trust, failed to rest, failed to be patient, and failed to believe. now with that knowledge, i'm ready to act on my unbelief and undergo more spiritual starvation so that i can experience solidarity with my Jesus. my Jesus. He's come after my heart with reckless abandon and i cannot resist. He makes me think in colors that don't exist. He's blowing my mind.
if anything during this process of loss, change and growth i have learned that my deepest desire is for Christ to be my everything. i've also learned this - i am not perfect. but i am perfect for that imperfect someone that is perfect for me.
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