writing

like i've written several times before, the writings of rainer maria rilke have deeply affected me the past 6 months or so. i've shared words of his that felt like they were penned with me in mind. ever more so than rilke, my college experience was shaped, guided and mentored (if you will) by the diaries and letters of anne morrow lindbergh, the great mother and aviatrix, wife of charles lindbergh. during some of my darkest moments in college, i could turn to her writings and find comfort and guidance. lately i've been re-reading, for the umpteenth time, her diaries and letters from 1922-1928, compiled in "bring me a unicorn." i LOVE unicorns too so that's an added bonus. these letters and journals are collected from her undergraduate years at smith college and her budding relationship with charles. more than anything, reading this on my lunch break each day makes me think of my mother. here are some breathtaking quotes from my all-time favorite authoress.

* "I have not and will not break down. I am strong and well and see clearly." - tomorrow will be four months since the ending of my engagement. maybe one day i might fully write about it on here. BUT i am healing, i am getting stronger and i am learning to forget, which is all that i came here for. each morning i wake up and ache so much less. that heavy sack of hurts that just sits on my chest gets lighter each morning. and i will be like anne morrow lindbergh and "will not break down". i'm far too strong for that anymore.

* "'Live from day to day - just life from day to day,' that the important thing about doing that was not just that you worried less but that you lived more richly. If you let yourself be absorbed completely, if you surrender completely to the moments as they pass, you live more richly those moments." - this is what i tried so hard to do before i moved from seattle. i intentionally neglected to bring my camera different places so that i would savor each memory and moment as it came. that i would experience each instant with all of my senses and i can still vividly recall each and every one.

* "I feel like taking my life, everything I ever loved...and throwing it all away for someone. Saying, 'Nothing I have ever been or done, nothing I stood for, nothing I am is worth the smallesst thing in your life. Let me work through you. If I can do anything for you, then at least there is a reason for me."

* "I suppose I must be content with my world - the things I love, the things I stand for...I must give up trying, I must believe somehow that my world is of some worth, that there is some essential in it worth working on. That I must find something in myself, peculiar to myself, that I can make and give."

* "Make your world count - you must find something there"

audit

lamest concept everrrrrrrr...this is what i'm doing all day today and tomorrow. thank Jesus i get off early tomorrow to go CAMPING. schwing.

here's a bad.ass. picture to cheer up my favorite day of the week.

the latest and greatest

now an hour past my bedtime so these top ten on my mind will be short, sweet and sassy.

1. i beat rem in call of duty tonight. granted, i had a gun and he could only use knives but it's all part of my training regimen (just finished day two).

2. we are going camping in san antonio this weekend to float. hells bells.

3. i just got to skype with 3/4 of my forever roomies in seattle. made me ache with love for my girls...and laugh so hard i cried.

4. cleaned matt's old apartment for 3.5 hours today and my finger is literally bleeding from scrubbing

5. it's almost thursday...fav day of the week

6. got to talk to JANSEN tonight!!! miss my charlie lots

7. there's so many people from home i want to talk to and connect with but this two hour time difference is getting on my last nerve. makes it super difficult to go hifi with my friends in the NW (which is best)

8. i still love it here. everything about it. my  leave date has become indefinite.

9. couldn't figure out why i was getting mean mugged at the pool yesterday and remembered it was because of my lovely little tat on my lower back. got it on saturday night at the movie theater for 50 cents. booyah. see photographic evidence below

10. if you're reading this, i probably miss you because you're probably from back home. all my love from texas.

week two in review

THE COME BACK KIDS circa 2009

If week two was any indication, I’m getting the feeling that each week here is going to be better than the last. I still LOVE it here. I’ve settled into a rhythm now for my weekdays with work, play, dinner, play, work out and sleep. Weekends are a glorious grab bag of hobnobbing, partying, tom foolery, and the like.
 
Work: Is great. Last week went by in a blink. I’m picking up on things pretty quickly and it helps to have such awesome people to help out. People have finally stopped coming by to stare at the, “Girl from up north with the colored eyes.” The hospital only has about 370 employees so it hasn’t taken long to learn names and faces, which helps me help other people. I’ve been doing a TON of research and statistical analysis. Microsoft Excel and I have this intense love/hate relationship. I hate spreadsheets and all that they contain but I love organization and details. So…it’s pretty fun for the first six-some hours and then I’m cursing Microsoft softly under my breath. I only take a half hour lunch break now (so I can get off earlier to go to the LAKE!) and I usually talk to my mom and Spence for a majority of it. TGS will appreciate the fact that I ate two turkey hot dogs,just turkey hot dogs, for lunch today (:
 
Play: Unfortunately, I only hit the lake once during the work week with the Towals and my new newlywed friends, Jay & Amanda Page. Amanda is adorable. Ohmygosh. I dilly-dallied poolside a couple other afternoons and did some cooking of dinner and errands the other nights. Thursday, Jake, Stef and Erik tracked and all got what they wanted! Jake went to F-38s (fighters), Stef to T-1s (heavies) and Erik to helicopters…which means him and Julie will be moving to Fort Rucker, Alabama in three weeks ): Big boo. That night we went to none other than the classy establishment of Applebee’s for dinner-and-delight with Rem, Ash, Stef, Matt, Sarah and I. Friday night was a hot mess of poor choices and joviality. It was the official 10-05 Track Party on base at the Fiesta Center and was a smashing success. “Freedom” is the theme for EVERYTHING around here so we had Freedom Brownies, Freedom Pizza, etc. I brought out the party whistle and the Freedom sweatbands, worn by the Come Back Kids AKA Matt and I. Though we lost all 5 games of beer pong, they were only by the slightest of margins and we always came back from a potentially demoralizing defeat into potential winability…but we lost. From the Track Party we two-stepped over to Diamond Lil’s for drinking and dancing the night away. The music was great, our feet were on fire and drinks abounded. Slay me. It was amazing. We got back to Stonegate around 1.30 and proceeded to have our first of many “Freedom Chats” on Matt’s back patio. Joining us Friday night were J.P., Ashly and Remington. Saturday morning I awoke around 10.30 and put on my suit for an 11 a.m. call time to party at the lake for 10-06’s Solo Party. We convoyed to Lake Amistad at 11.30 and stayed out in the sun, in the water and on the boats until 5. Sunburned and tired, we headed to Will’s house for a homemade bounty of jalapeno poppers, shrimp, steak, corn on the cob, red beans & rice and fudge brownies. The six of us then headed to illustrious Wal*Mart to kill an hour and twenty minutes before the late showing of The Ugly Truth. Among other things, we pushed Will around in a baby seat cart, played Four Square in the toy section (old school rules) and played Supermarket Sweep. Then it was time to get down and sweaty playing BuckHunter and Cruisin’ USA in the Wal*Mart arcade. We then headed to the movies, where I purchased my Butterfly tramp-stamp, rub-on tattoo for a mere 50 cents. The butterfly is a huge hit, let me say. The movie was hysterical and followed by an even better Freedom Chat once again. Sunday was church, Rudy’s with Matt, and moving Matt into Rem and Jake’s apartment. Apparently Del Rio is going on 40 days of triple digit temperatures so it was a little too hot to be moving but whatevs. We did it and ended the night with spaghetti, coloring my new fuzzy board wildlife picture and watching My Best Friend’s Girl. On a scale of one to amazing, the weekend was amazing.
 
People: Got the pleasure of making MORE new friends this week (: Some, like the 45 year old man that asked me out at work and comes by my desk ten times a day, are less welcome than others. Highlight: meeting JESSIE!!!!...Jake’s new lady. She is this incredible med student in Fort Worth, comes from a family of ten and is apparently my cosmic twin/soul mate. Where has she been all my life? Who can say…but we’re together now. And she just MIGHT be joining us in New Braunfels/San Antonio this weekend for camping and river floating. I also got to meet Jake’s mom (Jane – incredible woman) and his oldest brother Jared. LOVE them. Love meeting new people.
 
Whoohoo, it’s time to be done with work! Tonight is running and spin class with Sarah on base and dinner with the gang. Below are some delicious snapshots of the 10-05 Track Party with witty captions. Enjoy.
 
P.S. I love my life. Come visit won’t you?

wedded bliss

my beautiful roommate stefanie

freedom don't come free

rem finally has a woman that is a) beautiful and b) don't take no crap

{twenty.one}

if you were to ask me my greatest love in all the world, i wouldn't say the sun or starbucks or dallas, oregon even. i would say, "family". the family barnes and all of our branches are my nearest and dearest. 

today, the baby has turned 21. he was born just in time for lunch and i brought him a "welcome to the world" gift of a saltine cracker packet. he was the roliest-poliest little butterball you have never seen. spencer logan barnes. named after a gun, just like rem. 

spence used to get picked on a lot for one reason or another but now, he's hands down the one barnes child EVERYONE wants to be around. i've called him my best friend for seven years now and he knows all my secrets. spendy is one of my greatest loves.

 here are some reasons why i love the birthday boy:

1. he is hilarious. very dry...like good champagne. very very funny.

2. he has delicious seattle hipster style without even trying

3. he is type B. everything is taken in stride. nothing is urgent. nothing is dramaticized. life is easy peasy japanesey for bubba

4. he has the biggest, fattest heart ever. he seems to have the power to love wider, deeper, richer and fuller than most people i know. he's never met an enemy. 

5. spink is a lover AND a fighter. he fights for those that he loves and loves with abandon

6. spence teaches me a lot about taking life as it comes. he was my dearest confidant and supporter when my engagement didn't work out. it was like he held my little hurts in his hand and one by one blew them away until i hurt a lot less. 

i miss him terribly now that he's 2070.94 miles away from me. BUT...i get to see him in september! he will be my first (and maybe only...let's be honest) texan visitor. happy birthday to my favorite little brother!

pictures

i was noting to my roommate stefanie tonight:

"i haven't taken a single picture since i've been here. i think that means i'm having too much fun to take pictures."

stef: "i think you're right."

first week updates

work: i guarantee you, you will be hard pressed to meet friendlier people than in del rio, texas. last monday was my first day on the job and the entire week felt like a whirlwind of new information, learning like crazy and getting thrown right into the mix. i am officially an HR assistant and freelance project coordinator. this week i did a lot of meeting people, HR paperwork and statistical analysis for the HR director. it has been fun, challenging and wonderful all at the same time. my co-workers are amazing and everyone just seems so genuinely excited i've joined the val verde team (www.vvrmc.org). my outfits are making a pretty big splash (as are the fun shoes) since wal-mart and ross are the shopping pinnacles of del rio (:

cooking: every week the six of us (my apartment and rem's) cook dinner for the group during the weeknights and one weekend night. i've been flexing my culinary muscles and tried a new creamy chicken enchilada recipe (big hit, minus the onions) and even did mexican pork chops with sauteed beans and peppers. tonight i'm keeping it simple and going with tuna melts. since i generally get off work before all the pilots, i don't mind cooking a few nights a week. sundays after church we all go grocery shopping together and plan out menus.

fun: monday after work i laid at the pool. tuesday and wednesday i went and floated lake amistad with jake, towal, jesse, tank (dog) and beers. it was magic. thursday was the pool again. friday night i went out to dinner with stef, ashly, rem, matt, paul and sarah at cien diez and had THE BEST grilled chicken burger i've ever had. the owners stayed open late for us and presented our first official language barrier. our waiter didn't know a LICK of english so his 5 year old son translated (: after that we went to dairy queen and me and my roomies hit up a late showing of harry potter and the half blood prince. even though a movie is only $5.50 on friday night, it wasn't worth it. big snooze. saturday i went with matt to a float party thrown by his flight's sponsors. there was great food, a ten gallon jug full of margaritas (YESSSS!) and 7 coolers of beer. about 30 of us linked our floaties and cruised the RIO GRANDE for a couple hours. it was a little cloudy (still hot) so no major sun burns. border patrol told us not to touch the opposite bank since that would technically be considered entering mexico. HA HA. i may or may not have over consumed and matt was my faithful babysitter. i made it into bed by 7.30 p. and slept for a glorious 14 hours (:

today: this morning i went to church with stef, matt, sarah and amy and after had a delicious breakfast at skillets. matt and i went to the HEB for our weekly grocery run and then played and laid at the pool (hard life, i know) with rem, ash, amy, abby, sarah and brian. on deck in fifteen minutes are tuna melts and GAME NIGHT with the crew.

have i mentioned that i love it here??? 

tickets from seattle to del rio are SUPER cheap right now (hint, hint). come visit me!!!

frenzy

after all of that daily blogging, i feel like i'm letting my blog grow weeds. i am off to spin a few miles in the fitness center but thought all two of you that read this should know:

a) i love it here

b) moving to del rio is the best decision i've ever made

c) i'm loving my new job at the hospital

d) it's been over 100 the past three days. i've spent the last two at the lake after work with jake and towel

e) gas is currently $2.29

f) i love it here

that is all.

a photographic tour of my road trip

what a great way to start a sunday morning. just dropped my parents off at the del rio airport and i am officially on my own here. i'm draped across my couch, uploading pictures from my road trip and it's been fun to relive the past week in pictures. here are a few for your viewing pleasure (: thanks for tracking my travels across the country. i love it here. yesterday it was only 98 degrees (erica's favorite band!) we spent the afternoon by the pool for sarah's 23rd birthday, went and saw ice age 3 and then went to a partayyy at the meat locker where i may or may not have gotten thrown in the pool. 

enjoy the pictures.

bedtime

for all of you west coast readers it's 8.26 pacific time and i am headed to bed. big day tomorrow...drug test at the hospital. let's hope i pass (: while i do indeed love the heat, it will take a little getting used to. today was balls hot and we had to move all of my worldly belongings across the grass and up the stairs into apartment #1422. it didn't take too long to get it all taken care of and here i lie in my new room! i found my camera cord so i vouch that pics of the great texan adventure will go up by the weekend. 

this afternoon the old folks and i went on base (laughlin AFB) to do a flight simulator with rem. it was lots of fun. pretty much like playing a life-sized version of a multi-million dollar flying game. i landed the plane on the 2nd try...but got it in the grass so third time was a charm and i landed that baby right on target. we headed home after that to wait for the gang (stef, ash, rem, jake and matt) and mom, dad and i made grilled chicken strips, a delicious salad with bleu cheese, pine nuts, avacado and pistachios, watermelon and grapes, corn on the cob and peach cobbler. yum. i'll be doing dinner tomorrow night too...any ideas???

i like it here. it's good to see friends and hopefully make new ones. i love my roommates. we're currently pounding through season 3 of gilmore girls and are planning a harry potter marathon just in time for the new movie out on july 15th! that, my friends, is a wednesday. and here in del rio, all movie showings on wednesdays are TWO DOLLARS AND SEVENTY-FIVE CENTS. that is absolutely ludicrous. oh did you seattleites want to know how much gas is? $2.41. so i definitely am living large and sprung for premium. we're already looking ahead to moving out of the apartments next month and into a house...you guessed it, those are cheap too. corn on the cob is $0.50 (FYI) but beer is regular price (boo!)

that's all from 110 degree del rio. hope you are well.

the great texan adventure: ARRIVAL

hello lovely trackers of my travels...all three of you. i. have. arrived. my faithful 4runner rolled into del rio at 7 p.m. on the dot (that's 5 p.m. west coast time) and the first face i saw was of my dear older brother and nephew(?) shadow the dog. as shadow tried to hump auntie kt's leg, i got a big bear hug from the brother and we headed out to dinner with soon-to-be wonderful friends. we caravaned to rudy's texas BBQ with ashly (rem's lady & my roommate), stef (other roomie), jake (rem's roomie) and matt (rem's soon-to-be roomie). we decided not to unpack anything tonight but will be up bright and early to do so in the morning. luckily, my apartment is on the 2nd floor of building #14 so....we get to carry all my boxes and furniture up a flight of stairs! what good fortune! i'll need a good work-out after sitting on my duff in my kingdom for the last four days. i'll definitely be posting pictures in the next couple days of the road trip and my new digs. i will only be living in this apartment until the end of august and my room is definitely slightly smaller than it was in seattle. how do i get all the luck? 

today we left roswell, NM bright and early and headed south for our planned stop at carlsbad caverns - home to 113 caves deep underneath the Chihuahuan Desert and Guadalupe Mountains of SE New Mexico. it is all desert as far as the eye can see - filled with every type of cactus and desert-y plant imaginable including...AGAVE, the delicious nectar which gives us tequila! arriba! we were planning on going down one of the caves until we found out that the power had gone out 150 feet underground and people down there couldn't get up ("for the time being"). the rangers encouraged us to still buy tickets and i gave a definite hell no to that one. i'll pass on being trapped in a bat-filled cave under the desert.

my mom definitely purchased a bat finger puppet for a whopping $4.65 from the gift store and tortured me with it the entire rest of the trip (about seven hours). she named him "jansen" after my best bud and even took pictures of him at the texas border, in flight, drinking pepsi, etc. SUPER annoying - i mean, entertaining. as usual, The Office kept me occupied and pleasant until i finished out our trip into del rio. 

so, i am here. i am tired. i get to go to my new work tomorrow and take a drug test. i get to move into my apartment tomorrow. so far, so good. now begins the REAL texan adventure...stay tuned.

found him

don't worry. i fed him reese's pieces before i sent him on his way in my bicycle basket.

DAY THREE

at long last, i give you...DREAM CATCHER!!!

as i sit in my hotel room in roswell, NM all i can think about is, "tomorrow is the homestretch". yay. seriously yay. this morning started out beautifully as we pulled out of colorado and drove through GORGEOUS mountains, ranches and country. as soon as we crossed the state line into new mexico (the land of enchantment) rugged green mountains gave way to red, sandy mesas and plateaus. once we passed through santa fe, it was FLAAAAAAAAAT highway all the way into roswell. luckily i had my crew michael, pam, jim, dwight, angela, andy, kelly, ryan, toby, kevin, oscar, phyllis and stanley jammed into my kingdom (the backseat) with me to keep company. 

as we pulled into roswell i was SERIOUSLY hoping for some sweet alien sightings...or something. i mean, no nothing. it is a full moon though so i am holding out hope. the night is young friends. we ate dinner at juana's (mexican food, go figure) and went on a target run. my last tar-jhay visit for many months to come. dream catcher is here in the room with me and i'm hoping it'll swing some dreams about ET my way.

highlights of the day:

* eating breakfast at jean-pierre's french FRENCH bakery in durango

* buying bubble gum cigarette's in durango - in homage to my childhood hobby of pretending to smoke my ciggy's from fairview market

* the Copper Coin DRIVE-THRU LIQUOR STORE  - does it get ANY better than a drive through??? i daresay it does not

* the Skyline Motel in Vaughn, NM boasts "Shower/Tub" as it's only amenities

* Zac Brown Band carried us through Colorado (give Free a listen...it's the BOMB) and Michael Jackson (RIP) carried us into Roswell. Sad to say my parents prefer silence while they're driving which is a majority of the day ):

tomorrow i finally, FINALLY arrive in del rio. my new home away from home...for 9 months or so. we'll roll into town around dinner time and i'll start moving into my new apartment with ashly and stefanie. i feel so bad for my poor 4runner. that thing only has four little cylinders and is towing a 2,000 pound trailer. i keep giving it reassuring pats and cooing at it occasionally to encourage it not to break down on me. i swear to you it will wheeze to its death as soon as my parents leave del rio on sunday. bah. 

onward to texas tomorrow...the lone star state. soon to be home to this northwest girl. 

day 2 - tales from mormon land

from the 2009 "Mormon Hunks" calendar (:

the great texan adventure stopped being so much of an adventure and started being a big SNOOZE around 8 a.m. this morning. we left jerome (thank God - apparently it is renowned for it's dairies...hence the stench) at 6:45 and headed east toward the rising sun. wish i had a pic of it. it was beyond incredible. we dropped down into dreaded utah...home of my biggest fear: THE MORMONS. i tried to hold to my vow of not urinating in a state full of mormon's but i couldn't hold my wee that long. as much as i wholly detest utah for its ridiculous conglomeration of a particular type of religious "believers", it is one of the most beautiful states i have ever seen (okay so i've seen like 9). we cruised through the wasatch mountain range and stopped in lehi, utah for wendy's (sickness) and to send my thatch of postcards to the usual suspects (TGS, spence, NHB and the university ministries crew). we also dropped by wal*mart to pick up seasons 1 and 4 of the office. yesss. 

interesting sightings of today's 14.5 hours in the 4runner included:

* we continued on the oregon trail and then picked up on the trail of the ancients

* the Pillow Talk Motel in wellington, UT

* the wind turbines in soldier summit, UT - they were 150 meters from the road and HUUUUUUGE

* the Badland Cliffs with strips of coal running right through the middle

* a stop in Moab where i encountered a family from Woodinville, WA and where it was BALLS hot (i better get used to it)

* we arrived in Colorado!!! once you get past Cortez, CO...it's gorgeous. 

we're currently in durango for the night, situated on the animas river. i am in love and don't want to leave. i witnessed a crew on granny bikes with headbands, ray ban wayfarers and plaid shirts. i died. my people. don't worry...the dream catcher is still protecting us on our travels. it kept us from hitting an oversized load illegally blocking the road in idaho and from further mangling two already-decapitated deer in utah and parts of colorado. i still haven't gotten the actual dream catcher tattoo...still mulling over the intelligence of that decision come ten years down the road when i'm a physician's assistant.

all in all, i'm loving america the beautiful and it's completely and utterly worth riding in my pimp wagon for 3.5 days to see just how truly GENIUS my Creator is. bye for now! 

the great texan adventure: day one

my fourth of july was most excellent, thank you for asking. i got to eat at bert's with the fam, laid out all afternoon, napped for three hours, caught a few episodes of the office season 3 (yesss) and went to the independence fireworks show with lacey & eric parks. we crossed paths with amanda, gabe and even the SPU holly doran wedding crew en route to newport. all in all, yet another beautiful fourth of july. i have smashing photos but...i definitely packed my camera cord AND charger. i so smart. highlight of the fourth of july was definitely spending time with lacey & eric and BUYING MY FIRST DREAM CATCHER. yes that is correct, a sea-foam green dream catcher to guide me on my travels (:

okay...now for the trip:

i woke this morning to the rising sun over the top of our barn. made me think of a dear friend who sent me off to oregon with a letter written during a 4:41 a.m. seattle sunrise. i sat on the back deck eating my honey nut cheerios and just soaking in the valley in front of me. the 4runner pulled away from 15415 oakdale road in all its glory at 5:36 a.m. and the great texan adventure began. 

on our way out of town, we stopped at baskett slough wildlife refuge (mom's favorite place in the whole world) to "check the trailer hitch". instead i got my first diamond necklace from my sweet little mother. NOW we were ready to roll (: i slept from portland to the dalles and then stayed awake to soak in all the beauty the gorge had to offer. we saw basalt cliffs, washington "stonehenge", 4 big horned sheep in phillippi canyon, endless wind farms between the dalles and pendleton. luckily we had my new dream catcher hanging from the mirror to protect our travels the whole way (:

until next time, oregon

idaho was pretty uneventful. lovely state, but bad roads...not so fun to pull a uhaul trailer with (sorry val!). we're currently settled for the night just outside of twin falls in jerome, idaho. hands down, one of the top ten white trash cities i've ever encountered. my first human contact in the jerome super wal*mart was with an obsese woman. absolutely no neck and her belly was dangling a good three inches below her american flag tank. yummy. i picked up a couple new albums (zac brown band and brad paisley) and am now contemplating a swim in the hotel pool. after getting a good look at this googled image of a jerome elementary student...i think i'll pass on any water borne diseases provided by the pool.

what google images brought up when i searched "jerome, idaho". scary?

day one done. three more to go. thanks for following my trek.

independence day

in honor of the fourth of july: 

my most favorite word/emotion, on my most favorite holiday, written in my most favorite thing: sparklers!

happy fourth of july friends from dallas, oregon. be thankful for your freedoms today. i'm thankful for my freedom to be myself, to move to a new place, the freedom to love others and to ride motorcycles around dallas at 2 a.m.

home.

i've been back in dallas for a day now and am loving every lazy minute. got a chance to lay out in the 90 degree heat yesterday, checked out the kitchen remodel, mowed the lawn, got my hair did and had my graduation bbq tonight with dear family and friends. i've now got a bit of spending money in my pocket for my trip to texas (which starts in T-minus 31 hours). 

the seattle goodbyes were relatively easy. my "crying place" was in the driver's seat of my 4runner. that car is like a good dog. you can tell it all your secrets and sorrows and it will never breathe a word (: so, on my way to each goodbye over the past 2 weeks, i've shed my tears behind the wheel and kept them there. it was definitely hardest saying goodbye to my roommates and baby brother. they've been my everything for 4 years (roomies) and 21 years (spencer) so it was heartbreaking to end such a vibrant, lesson-filled chapter of life in search of new adventures and continued learning in a new state. 

but i think i can truly say i'm ready to go. i've been dragging my heels for a couple months now trying to avoid moving to texas at all costs. but i think i'm ready to go. i'm still terrified. i still have no clue what i'm doing. i just know it's the right move and that God has been with me and will continue to be my guide into the unknown. until then, i'll enjoy the little bit of time i have left in dallas. i'm heading to the st. paul rodeo tomorrow with ms. emily tschiegg...soon to be mrs. EMILY BURKHART!!! the 4th of july parade and fireworks show will follow in independence, oregon the next day. bring on the fun...

here we go...

alright. after four gloriously scary, rewarding and richly beautiful years in seattle, i am saying goodbye. off to spread my wings a wee bit in the south. i remember in high school, my youth pastor would teach each year on "gray areas" in the Christian walk. these included issues like homosexuality, purity, etc. essentially, gray areas were bad and our views needed to be concretely black and white. so i came to SPU with all my views dipped in black and white. homosexuality was wrong, drinking was wrong, asking questions about your faith was wrong...the list goes on.

now i leave this beautiful city with my little bag of gray areas, and i wouldn't have it any other way. if anything, the past four years have taught me to question everything. to believe, doubt and seek the faith i was raised in. to love everyone. to live into my questions. to look for God's answers in my situations. to listen for His whispers all around me. to seek grace regularly and give it freely. to create "home" wherever it is i may be. to give my heart to those i love. to be genuine...to be me. because i've come to like me a lot. 

so, here we go. 2,070 miles away is where you'll find me. but my heart will stay here. here and in dallas, oregon. so if you happen to have a little piece of it (quinn, erica, andria, brynn, jansen, spence, josh, nate, deb, bob, andrea g., kramer, audrey, jono, roots, pastor bill...the list goes on) hold onto it! put it in your pocket and protect it. i'll come back for it soon.