robb-isms

for some reason, i was thinking about my dad last night as i drove downtown to the mariner's game. scenes from my childhood kept running through my head like little things my dad would do or ridiculous rules he gave us (more to come on those) or just how all-around awesome he was. these idiosyncrasies are better known as "robb-isms".

dad was a trendy dude back in the 80s & 90s - ray bans, sperry top siders, hypercolor sweatshirt, letting my mom work outside the home (joke dude, joke), etc. not to say that he's un-trendy these days...he's super in-style if you're referring to the over-50- hunts-critters-in-their-spare-time-and-if-they-got-remarried-right-now-they'd-register-at-sportsman's-warehouse-and-cabela's kind of crowd. the more i was reminiscing over my dad's old rules, the more i was completely laughing out loud (no, i will not use that dreaded acronym) thinking about them. to this day, i'm still not sure of their purpose so dad, if you're reading this (highly unlikely), feel free to weigh in.

1. can't wear painted nails to school/church - he busted me in evening church one week with nails painted the alternating colors of the hornets (purple & robin's egg blue) and the ban went into effect. obviously because it was "a distraction to my classmate's and those around me". this rule held firm all the way through junior high. i completely understand this since, i too, get distracted from the teaching of the Lord's Word when i see painted nails in church

2. Beds made & clothes ironed before going to school - totally understand the "beds made" part. totally never did it. this is why i had zero privileges from ages 9-17. having my clothes ironed, i'm not so sure about. we had to choose our school outfits the night before and make sure grandma ironed them and laid them out before watching the new episode of zoom or smallville. if i were to make an educated guess as to the purpose of this rule, i'd probably say it had something to do with us not looking like "ragamuffins" or "Oakies" (got called those by my parents a lot growing up and hated it)

3. bedtime at 8...in junior high - the 5 year old i babysit has a later bedtime than i did. robb was seriously cutthroat about it too. i spent a solid hour every monday bargaining with him to stay up until 9 so i could catch the new 7th heaven. usually he'd settle for a half hour later, so i've seen the first half of nearly every episode in it's 100-year run. or i'd get the bum end of the deal and stay up until 9 on monday, only to be in bed by SEVEN on tuesday. that robb barnes drove a mean bargain...

4. stop trying to kill slash psychologically destroy spencer - now that i think about it, remington and i spent an inordinate amount of time picking on spencer. we got busted shooting arrows at him (rem, i believe), throwing a metal-tipped dart into his back (me), chasing him with a pitchfork (me), throwing june drops (tiny, baby pears that are harder than a rock) at him (both of us), conniving him into licking a lightbulb that had been on for 4+ hours (definitely me), letting my rooster jump on his back, calling him an inordinate amount of cruel nicknames and letting him run with the belief that "you're in such hot water" meant mom was literally going to stick him in a pot of boiling water (spence, feel free to chime in if i'm missing anything...)

5. no trick-or-treating - to this day i still have never TOT'ed. i do recall putting on our matching green and purple striped sweaters and getting to go to great grandma and grandpa's house to eat candy...the same candy they had on their table the other 364 days of the year. this rule had something to do with october 31st being the "devil's holiday"

6. if it's fixed for you, you will eat it - that includes those times when rem tells you, "dad, i can't eat this, i feel sick" and you still have to dig in, resulting in beef burrito vomit all over the table

7. no slumber parties if the people aren't blood relatives or unusually close to us - that meant any overnight birthday parties found the applicable barnes child whisked away at dark and returned by daylight. even the 6th grade overnighter to camp kilowan - gone at night, back by morning. so embarassing

is that enough for you? are you shocked and amazed that i turned out somewhat normal, despite living in the third reich? somehow i came out of dallas, oregon relatively unscathed - with homegrown mennonite-esque values and little to no knowledge about how babies are made. i still have no idea so if you're in the know...let's be in touch.