an open letter to my childhood friends

thursday is the best day of the week. the impending weekend is gleaming in the not-too-far distance and i hear crazy shit at work on the reg like, "i mean, if they want, we'll wax their ass". i also have an uncanny ability to find ridiculous timesucks online that i can't help but camp out on between the hours of 7 and 4.

speaking of timesucks, i was thinking fondly of my hometown this morning while reading the freshest edition of our local twaddle, the itemizer observer. known to many as the "item-squeezer", it's a great opportunity for polk county residents to air their grievances (please read the last letter...PLEASE) and let people know they procreated, died, or plan to wed (click to see my high school crush...le sigh). i love where i grew up. i particularly enjoy reminiscing with people in safeway saying yes, i did go to oakdale heights and yes, i do remember getting suspended in 5th grade for smoking behind the tires on the playground. dallasites have memories like steel traps. everyone forgets the cool stuff like my 13th birthday party in 2000 being Y2KT themed or the fact that i regularly freestyled on the girl's soccer bus under multiple pseudonyms.

most friends from home lament the fact that my memory is unparalleled. i can't help it that my mind can remember, with startling clarity, what addison dreizus did for the 4th grade talent show or why my older brother flipped off jackie cornell for the first time. while i'm riding this wave of hometown nostalgia, i thought i'd write an open letter to friends from home thanking them for allowing my thursday to become a hot mess of random hometown memories.


dear stephanie brady,

i love you. thanks for making 5th grade the best year ever. thanks for rocking airwalks, shorts and an oversized polar bear/coca cola sweatshirt on your first day (a week late due to your appendectomy). for inventing the perfect lunch of bologna with mustard, sunny D and a twinkie. thanks for your rad birthday party that one year i had a huge crush on manny romero. thanks for all the soccer nicknames and making practice a constant mockery of coach vorderstrasse with me. thanks for gettting drunk with me in new york last year and always reminding me that some friends (you) really will be friends for life.


dear jason braun,

for some reason, i remember WAY too much about you. and for that, i am sorry. thank you for your unquenchable love of dinosaurs. for covering for me so i could kiss nick mcbride behind the dugout at the kids inc. fields. for having a dad that was willing to keep every single sports statistic of yours in his palm pilot. thank you in advance for becoming a ridiculously famous baseball star that will put dallas on the map for something, anything. just remember me when you get to the top...


dear hannah thompson,

i miss you. thanks for those awesome mints from indiana and making sunday sermons at EBC bearable. thank you for that ballin' birthday party in the 90's where we squirted paint on spinning paper discs and all the slumber parties. on that note, thank you for being the only friend to come to my 5th birthday screening of beauty and the beast in theaters. for always protecting me back in the goal as my fearless defender. thanks especially for having a hot brother with hot friends (heyyyyy zach). for teaching me how to play duck hunt (gun against the TV screen is the way to go girllll). oh and thanks for having the coolest dog ever - may muggsy rest in sweet, sweet peace.


dear macey blaine (now crow),

please stop appearing in my dreams 2-3 times a month. it's weird. thanks for opening all my presents at my 6th birthday party and make it seem like my idea. for telling me i was singing through my nose in choir class. for breaking your arm in 4th grade gymnastics class so i could finally shine out there. thanks for scaring the crap out of me at lacey's house when you staged a murder scene in her bathroom complete with a hair dryer cord wrapped around your neck. thank you for making all my athletic achievements look paltry and for assisting in a fair share of my high school antics - like making a fishing pole out of string, a rule and pen to drop down mcgowan's a-crack in chemistry. come home soon.


dear nick newbill,

wherever you are, thanks for getting caught looking at porn in the 6th grade. LOVED seeing your punishment of dad shaving off one of your eyebrows the next 6 weeks at school.


dear matt hamilton,

thanks for being the WORST PROM DATE EVER. for making me share an $18 entree with you, for nearly giving me whiplash in your new car, for temporarily abandoning me in a shari's parking lot off of lancaster and expecting a kiss at the end of the night. SUCKER.


dear alyssa cudmore,

my first friend. thank you for having the coolest house EVER. for the best night in history of prank calling from your grandma's apartment. for trampoline sleepovers that scared the shizzzzz out of us and especially for being one of the few dallasites that i truly believe will change the world. really takes a burden off my shoulders...


now that you're all enraptured with my quaint hometown and the characters in it, feel free to pay a visit with me. i go home at least once a month and i can promise a night at the drive-in, fresh eggs from the farm and a slammin night at north dallas bar and grill.