On Conquering

Remember when I said I had visitors coming?

They came (sts), they're here and we're conquering The Emerald.

And I've done my best to keep my social media to a minimum lately to preserve the delicate feelings of our Missing Comrade: Max E. Hinton.

But trust me, not only am I documenting their visit but I'm also planning a little surprise for the Blessed Absent One. Quite unbeknownst to him, Max actually did come to Seattle...in 2-D form.

Here's a peek at the Flat Max Project. Creep the final product later this week.

Maxamilian taking me to work on Friday

All You Ever Needed to Know...

About Forrest J. Underwood: A Photographic Journey


Guess who's coming to town? None other than my hetero-lifemate, Forrest J. Underwood. He's so popular here on NW is Best that he has his own category. In just nine days the Sultan of Swag arrives for an entire week to take the Emerald City by storm. If this isn't highly deserving of an "All You Ever Needed to Know About Forrest J. Underwood" pictorial, I don't know what is. Upon reading this, you too can practically consider him your hetero-lifemate. 


1. He loves to party

2. He's GREAT with kids

3. Animals love him

4. He flies this

5. He was born swagga-docious

6. Super hot older brother: CHECK

7. Knows how to cut a rug

8. He loves his mama

9. He's strong 

10. He moonlights as a swimsuit model

11. The stash looks good on him

12. Impeccable dentition

Finally (and most importantly)...

13. He's got great taste in friends

sisters

we met nearly six years ago and have seen it all at this point. life has come and gone but these girls have remained. family BBQ last night and ladies night tonight. YES YES YES.

my sisters are reunited and it feels so good.

mrs. elmo, andria, mrs. B, brynny, sarita & moi

my unreal paint skillz in action

TGS #1 gets married 

TGS #2 ties the knot!

Q graduates first! 

my girls 

dirty canada 

canada?

 fourth of july of old

shiny new SPU grads

an open letter to my childhood friends

thursday is the best day of the week. the impending weekend is gleaming in the not-too-far distance and i hear crazy shit at work on the reg like, "i mean, if they want, we'll wax their ass". i also have an uncanny ability to find ridiculous timesucks online that i can't help but camp out on between the hours of 7 and 4.

speaking of timesucks, i was thinking fondly of my hometown this morning while reading the freshest edition of our local twaddle, the itemizer observer. known to many as the "item-squeezer", it's a great opportunity for polk county residents to air their grievances (please read the last letter...PLEASE) and let people know they procreated, died, or plan to wed (click to see my high school crush...le sigh). i love where i grew up. i particularly enjoy reminiscing with people in safeway saying yes, i did go to oakdale heights and yes, i do remember getting suspended in 5th grade for smoking behind the tires on the playground. dallasites have memories like steel traps. everyone forgets the cool stuff like my 13th birthday party in 2000 being Y2KT themed or the fact that i regularly freestyled on the girl's soccer bus under multiple pseudonyms.

most friends from home lament the fact that my memory is unparalleled. i can't help it that my mind can remember, with startling clarity, what addison dreizus did for the 4th grade talent show or why my older brother flipped off jackie cornell for the first time. while i'm riding this wave of hometown nostalgia, i thought i'd write an open letter to friends from home thanking them for allowing my thursday to become a hot mess of random hometown memories.


dear stephanie brady,

i love you. thanks for making 5th grade the best year ever. thanks for rocking airwalks, shorts and an oversized polar bear/coca cola sweatshirt on your first day (a week late due to your appendectomy). for inventing the perfect lunch of bologna with mustard, sunny D and a twinkie. thanks for your rad birthday party that one year i had a huge crush on manny romero. thanks for all the soccer nicknames and making practice a constant mockery of coach vorderstrasse with me. thanks for gettting drunk with me in new york last year and always reminding me that some friends (you) really will be friends for life.


dear jason braun,

for some reason, i remember WAY too much about you. and for that, i am sorry. thank you for your unquenchable love of dinosaurs. for covering for me so i could kiss nick mcbride behind the dugout at the kids inc. fields. for having a dad that was willing to keep every single sports statistic of yours in his palm pilot. thank you in advance for becoming a ridiculously famous baseball star that will put dallas on the map for something, anything. just remember me when you get to the top...


dear hannah thompson,

i miss you. thanks for those awesome mints from indiana and making sunday sermons at EBC bearable. thank you for that ballin' birthday party in the 90's where we squirted paint on spinning paper discs and all the slumber parties. on that note, thank you for being the only friend to come to my 5th birthday screening of beauty and the beast in theaters. for always protecting me back in the goal as my fearless defender. thanks especially for having a hot brother with hot friends (heyyyyy zach). for teaching me how to play duck hunt (gun against the TV screen is the way to go girllll). oh and thanks for having the coolest dog ever - may muggsy rest in sweet, sweet peace.


dear macey blaine (now crow),

please stop appearing in my dreams 2-3 times a month. it's weird. thanks for opening all my presents at my 6th birthday party and make it seem like my idea. for telling me i was singing through my nose in choir class. for breaking your arm in 4th grade gymnastics class so i could finally shine out there. thanks for scaring the crap out of me at lacey's house when you staged a murder scene in her bathroom complete with a hair dryer cord wrapped around your neck. thank you for making all my athletic achievements look paltry and for assisting in a fair share of my high school antics - like making a fishing pole out of string, a rule and pen to drop down mcgowan's a-crack in chemistry. come home soon.


dear nick newbill,

wherever you are, thanks for getting caught looking at porn in the 6th grade. LOVED seeing your punishment of dad shaving off one of your eyebrows the next 6 weeks at school.


dear matt hamilton,

thanks for being the WORST PROM DATE EVER. for making me share an $18 entree with you, for nearly giving me whiplash in your new car, for temporarily abandoning me in a shari's parking lot off of lancaster and expecting a kiss at the end of the night. SUCKER.


dear alyssa cudmore,

my first friend. thank you for having the coolest house EVER. for the best night in history of prank calling from your grandma's apartment. for trampoline sleepovers that scared the shizzzzz out of us and especially for being one of the few dallasites that i truly believe will change the world. really takes a burden off my shoulders...


now that you're all enraptured with my quaint hometown and the characters in it, feel free to pay a visit with me. i go home at least once a month and i can promise a night at the drive-in, fresh eggs from the farm and a slammin night at north dallas bar and grill.

golf

a sunset and PBR-filled night at the driving range. almost too good to be true.

interbay golf course

work BFF's

the upswing

the tongue of concentration

the fourth

puh-raise the Lord for friends who take pity on you and let you bandwagon their 4th of july festivities. enter: aaron jones - who invited myself and other pretty people to his aunt and uncle's gorgeous home on mercer island. his lovely family not only let me parade around in a freedom-kini but allowed my little black child to frolic around the property and even managed to convince me that the girl cousin with two black eyes was actually a gold medal cage fighter. unaccustomed to being openly lied to by someone i just met, i fell for it hook line and sinker. only after repeating the story to my freshly-met soul sister, noelle, did i realize how ludicrous it sounded and realize the error of my ways. i digress.

it was the perfect day - open water, red/white/blue in abundance, good friends, nitrogen-riddled meat in a bun and my dog sporting a sexy american kerchief. i got to satiate my need for speed on a jet ski with kramer, aaron and andria. big ups to kramer for teaching me how to sail over yacht wakes and making my legs feel like tonya harding just took a pipe to them. now, two days later, i'm still walking like the tin man. L-7 weenie right hurr. all in all, it was my 2nd best weekend of the year (i honestly do keep track of these things) and i was the happiest i've been in a long time. like, shit-eating-grin-plastered-on-my-face happy. like constantly screaming in kramer's ear while jet skiing, "I'M SO HAPPY RIGHT NOWWWWW!!!" happy. life just doesn't get much better than this...

trusty steeds

my cute friends at the dockside fireworks show

sunset on lake washington

candidate for my future home

most favorite thing in the world: fireworksssss

davy bean sleeping through the fireworks with uncle kramer

completely unrelated to my fourth of july, but hysterical nonetheless...dad put mom to work on america's birthday mowing fields. thank God the man learned how to send picture messages because he sends me the occasional show stopper that just kills me.

first week of summer

holler. favorite season is officially HERE. it teased us seattleites with sun and fun on tuesday and has since petered out. definitely am not letting the weather dampen my spirits (literally) though...spending lotsa time catching up with rad people in beautiful places. please believe i've been putting in long hours at my favorite place in seattle, discovery park beach. davy can shed her civilized ways and run naughty and free while i play to my heart's content. don't you see why i love it so?

brain's art installation
crashing down...check that water action

vicious attack dog protecting me from wayward floating stumps

digging x 1,000

the view

the goods

tides a comin' in

brain's art installation #2 - red rock & dungeness baby crabs

found: one elf village complete with flagpole and firepit

love love lovinggggg summer

has nothing to do with my week. has everything to do

with how much i freaking love max e. hinton

partner in crime for the evening

playing catch-up at the boxcar with an old SPU'er

exactly why NW is best