Flat Max Pays a Visit

Despite last week's influx of visitors, an overwhelming sadness loomed because of the absence of Maxamilian E. Hinton, my hetero-lifemate. Max couldn't bear to see me, Forrest and Strek's shenanigans on Facebook and even threatened to hide us from his news feed to prevent unquenchable sadness and incredible feelings of exclusion. With that in mind, and in an effort to preserve my personal policy of "No Friend Left Behind", I created Flat Max (in the same vein as Flat Stanley) to join us in on our Seattle adventures.


Flat Max was always at the ready, ever prepared for a good time. He woke up with Strek and I at midnight on Thursday (er...Friday morning) to go pick up Forrest from the airport.

Thankfully, Strek's pea coat is big enough for two

Telling an awesome joke just minutes before Forrest's arrival

On Friday, he was up bright and early to take me to work. He bought me coffee and brought along a car beer for the road. In my opinion, it was a bit chilly to go shirtless but it didn't seem to phase Flat Max in the least. 

7am PST means 10am EST...which is a slightly more acceptable drinking time

While I slaved away at my desk job, Flat Max played tourist with Forrest and Strek. They hit up the Monorail - Seattle's most decrepit and overpriced mode of transportation - the Flagship Starbucks and even the illustrious Space Needle, which clearly doesn't abide by the "no shirt, no shoes, no service" policy. 

Suns out, guns out...YA DIG???

ORANGE MOCHA FRAPPUCCINO!

Smooches from on top of the world, baby

Bro time with Forrest on the Monorail ride back

That night we had big plans to head to Bitterroot, Seattle's newest BBQ & bourbon hot spot. Sadly their wait was wayyyyy too long so we meandered over to Sam's Sushi. The wait was ATROCIOUS there as well but Flat Max helped us make the best of it by playing hide and seek in the foliage.

Brings that damn beer EVERYWHERE. So embarrassing.

Saturday morning Flat Max roused us all for family breakfast at Five Spot. Thanks to his charming kissy face, we got a table post-haste. We soon discovered Max was ALL ABOUT their Bloody Marys and guzzled a handful before informing us he conveniently "forgot his wallet"...

Who can say no to THIS?

Slurps McGee

Flat Max took some "me time" for a couple days (aka we might have left him on my kitchen counter) but returned Thursday night for The Last Supper at Christo's on Alki. After some tasty pizza, we stopped on the beach for one final photo op. 

The Emerald in all her glory, basking in Max's ethereal glow

Hottie alert. 

Max & Eggs hugging it out

All in all, Flat Max was the perfect house guest. He took up very little space and left no mess - we hardly knew he was here! He was a perfect gentleman and had no problem sleeping in the car since my apartment was at max capacity. Hopefully this isn't the last we'll see of Flat Max but, to be clear, the REAL Max is welcome any time (:

On Conquering

Remember when I said I had visitors coming?

They came (sts), they're here and we're conquering The Emerald.

And I've done my best to keep my social media to a minimum lately to preserve the delicate feelings of our Missing Comrade: Max E. Hinton.

But trust me, not only am I documenting their visit but I'm also planning a little surprise for the Blessed Absent One. Quite unbeknownst to him, Max actually did come to Seattle...in 2-D form.

Here's a peek at the Flat Max Project. Creep the final product later this week.

Maxamilian taking me to work on Friday

Weekending

DYING over here for the weekend. As I'm chained to my desk for 6 more hours all I can think about is this:

1. Tonight, these two guys land in Seattle.

2. Friday night we are going here for BBQ & bourbon. Helloooooo two of my favorite things.

3. And then we are going here to see Seattle's sauciest burlesque. YES.

4. Sunday night we'll hang here (one of my favorite parts of the week)

6. Adventures will also be had here, here, here and certainly here.

Weekend come quickly!

All You Ever Needed to Know...

About Forrest J. Underwood: A Photographic Journey


Guess who's coming to town? None other than my hetero-lifemate, Forrest J. Underwood. He's so popular here on NW is Best that he has his own category. In just nine days the Sultan of Swag arrives for an entire week to take the Emerald City by storm. If this isn't highly deserving of an "All You Ever Needed to Know About Forrest J. Underwood" pictorial, I don't know what is. Upon reading this, you too can practically consider him your hetero-lifemate. 


1. He loves to party

2. He's GREAT with kids

3. Animals love him

4. He flies this

5. He was born swagga-docious

6. Super hot older brother: CHECK

7. Knows how to cut a rug

8. He loves his mama

9. He's strong 

10. He moonlights as a swimsuit model

11. The stash looks good on him

12. Impeccable dentition

Finally (and most importantly)...

13. He's got great taste in friends

alex clare

ob.sessed. can't get over him.

if his voice were a math equation it would look sometehing like this:

voice of ben carson (hot bodies in motion), adele & gary go PLUS music of deadmau5 EQUALS alex clare

perhaps better described by forrest j. underwood as "Black Keys meets Dubstep"

you be the judge...







whaddya think???

picture this

by some mysterious form of magic, my iPhone refuses to die. although it persists in constantly jumping out of my hand and landing on the hardest surfaces imaginable, dropping every single call at least 4 times, and being super ugly, the thing still takes a decent picture, tweets and texts like a fiend - keeping me relatively happy. here are snippets of my past week in pictures. i've been spending inordinate amounts of time at discovery park beach (my most favorite place in seattle) with the puppy getting some good think time in. even managed to hit up the fremont naked, ahem, solstice festival this weekend (no pictures...you'll thank me) and inhale some buca di beppo this weekend with new friends, home friends and texas friends.

paris

showing some pre-weekend love for all two of you who read this thing on fridays. it cut my heart deeply to have missed my new obsession at wakarusa last weekend (post on that coming next week) because, quite frankly, grace potter and the nocturnals have stolen my heart. and in all honesty, i'm jealous of her. her badass-ness. her raspy, rocker voice. her LEGS FOR DAYS. oh and her bangs are awesome. i tried fake bangs last night and in the wise words of andria, "uh...you look like a total hippie" - and not the good kind. it probably didn't help that my hair is on a 5 day, no wash binge and looks strikingly similar to a lion's mane.

i have to give solid ups to one, forrest j. underwood, for bringing grace into my life. i'm pretty sure he a) wishes grace's name were actually paris and b) truly means it when he sings, "i wish i were in paris" along with the ear snack below. PLEASE, if you do anything good for yourself this weekend or in your life in general, put GP on heavy, heavy rotation. your body, mind and spirit will thank you for it. she's currently making the rounds @ america's greatest music festivals but has a bangin' tour schedule going on right now as well.

if you're interested in hearing more of grace & the nocturnals you can do one or both of the following:

1. email me at kbarnes@spu.edu and i will dropbox you the entire album or,

2. turn on your favorite local country station and hear her sultry croon cover the multitude of sin's kenny chesney's voice creates on their duet, "you and tequila"

happy friday fellow music lovers. happy friday.

p.s. the aforementioned forrest j. underwood just happens to be an extremely eligible bachelor who also happens to bring the party wherever he goes and happens to be a C-130 pilot for the air force...interested?