Flat Max Pays a Visit

Despite last week's influx of visitors, an overwhelming sadness loomed because of the absence of Maxamilian E. Hinton, my hetero-lifemate. Max couldn't bear to see me, Forrest and Strek's shenanigans on Facebook and even threatened to hide us from his news feed to prevent unquenchable sadness and incredible feelings of exclusion. With that in mind, and in an effort to preserve my personal policy of "No Friend Left Behind", I created Flat Max (in the same vein as Flat Stanley) to join us in on our Seattle adventures.


Flat Max was always at the ready, ever prepared for a good time. He woke up with Strek and I at midnight on Thursday (er...Friday morning) to go pick up Forrest from the airport.

Thankfully, Strek's pea coat is big enough for two

Telling an awesome joke just minutes before Forrest's arrival

On Friday, he was up bright and early to take me to work. He bought me coffee and brought along a car beer for the road. In my opinion, it was a bit chilly to go shirtless but it didn't seem to phase Flat Max in the least. 

7am PST means 10am EST...which is a slightly more acceptable drinking time

While I slaved away at my desk job, Flat Max played tourist with Forrest and Strek. They hit up the Monorail - Seattle's most decrepit and overpriced mode of transportation - the Flagship Starbucks and even the illustrious Space Needle, which clearly doesn't abide by the "no shirt, no shoes, no service" policy. 

Suns out, guns out...YA DIG???

ORANGE MOCHA FRAPPUCCINO!

Smooches from on top of the world, baby

Bro time with Forrest on the Monorail ride back

That night we had big plans to head to Bitterroot, Seattle's newest BBQ & bourbon hot spot. Sadly their wait was wayyyyy too long so we meandered over to Sam's Sushi. The wait was ATROCIOUS there as well but Flat Max helped us make the best of it by playing hide and seek in the foliage.

Brings that damn beer EVERYWHERE. So embarrassing.

Saturday morning Flat Max roused us all for family breakfast at Five Spot. Thanks to his charming kissy face, we got a table post-haste. We soon discovered Max was ALL ABOUT their Bloody Marys and guzzled a handful before informing us he conveniently "forgot his wallet"...

Who can say no to THIS?

Slurps McGee

Flat Max took some "me time" for a couple days (aka we might have left him on my kitchen counter) but returned Thursday night for The Last Supper at Christo's on Alki. After some tasty pizza, we stopped on the beach for one final photo op. 

The Emerald in all her glory, basking in Max's ethereal glow

Hottie alert. 

Max & Eggs hugging it out

All in all, Flat Max was the perfect house guest. He took up very little space and left no mess - we hardly knew he was here! He was a perfect gentleman and had no problem sleeping in the car since my apartment was at max capacity. Hopefully this isn't the last we'll see of Flat Max but, to be clear, the REAL Max is welcome any time (:

tkj, ko & yrm @ cct

so. many. initials.

and if you don't know what they stand for, you clearly aren't a rapacious seattle indie music glutton. friday night i not only had my first experience with fireball cinnamon whiskey (so much more to come on that later) but also with the columbia city theater and tony kevin jr. you could kind of say it was like a first date for junior and i - one where he sang sweet nothings into my ear and i stood there tucked in the back row with my mouth hanging open in unabashed awe. disregard the fact that everything i do is unabashed. listening to TKJr. is like hearing an old friend again - his voice will take you back to every golden and devastating spot in your life. he opened his mouth and all of a sudden i was couples skating with justin keller to boyz II men and getting my heart broken by my first love all at the same time. tony did this all while channeling "lonely" better than charlie brown's christmas tree.in just one song TKJr. can take you from the mountaintop to the valley and back again. maybe this has something to do with the fact that his father (tony kevin senior) is battling cancer and he sings every song for his dad (be still my heart). the only crushing disappointment of his set was that i arrived halfway through it. shame on me.

if tony kevin jr. were a musical mathematical equation, methinks he would be something like this:

[ivan & alyosha] + [eddie vedder] + a dash of [damien rice] = tony kevin jr.

*feel free to disagree with me (see below)

TKJr. is that dapper fellow on the far right

now that tony had reduced me to a nostalgic heap, i looked to kris orlowski and friends to lift my spirits back to an appropriate friday night, whiskey guzzling level. and he did not disappoint. kris opened with a flawless a cappella rendition of paul simon's "the boxer" alongside motopony's daniel blue and seattle's flaxen-haired stevie wonder, allen stone. no, they unfortunately didn't ditch clothing like in the video below but you get the picture.

perhaps the COOLEST shit i have ever seen

and flawless seemed to describe the rest of kris' set, with each song rising to meet my every expectation of damn good music. i've got to give major ups to the band as well (scott shrock on bass, ivan gundersen on drums, torry anderson on keys/vocals and mark izakson on guitar) who were the best i've seen in a long time. kris was later joined on "your move" by a bevy of local talent including daniel and allen, tony kevin jr. and zach fleury from hot bodies in motion. my note from that song only says, "AWESOME" and that's exactly what it was. i made a move to get close enough for a high-quality iPhone 3G picture (drip goes the sarcasm) and in my frenzied attempt at amateur photography, dumped half of my delicious cinnamon whiskey down my dress. on the plus-side, i maintained enough composure to get the A+ pic below and caught most of the fireball in my hair, making me smell like a cinnamon gummy bear for the rest of the night. forget the fact that the left side of my hair was crusted stiff...i smelled like candy!

fun fact of the night: kris tried to defy all odds and began his set with his hair parted on the wrong side of his head. over the course of the night, it naturally migrated back to its safe place on the left. i'm an observer of people. i notice these things.

quote of the night: (from drunk heidi in line for the bathroom) "maybe YOU need sex but I had sex YESTERDAY. I HAD SEX YESTERDAYYYYY!"

(OKAY HEIDI. you don't have to rub it in my face like that)

i would continue this review with my thoughts on youth rescue mission but they've turned out to be a bit disappointing for me. the first time i encountered YRM (at a hot bodies show), i was too busy avoiding a run-in with an overly zealous ex to pay any attention to them. dodging a college flame while double-fisting rolling rocks is not easy people. friday night, they were not my cup of tea. just not my style and some poorly executed four part harmonies let me call it a night a little earlier than expected. BUT, i'm a fan of second and third chances so maybe next time they'll wow this blogger.

** be sure to keep your eyes peeled in the coming days for a video from our friends at all cameras on who had audience members record kris' song "jessi".

allen stone w. eternal fair

last friday night at the crocodile, i was that girl. you know, front row, sweaty, screaming and whipping out my iPhone every 6-9 seconds to type a longggggg ass note reviewing the allen stone show with openers eternal fair and special guests alessandra rose, kris orlowski, and ben carson of hot bodies in motion. blew my muthaeffin mind people. in case you were lame enough not to show, here's the rundown.

the sold-out show kicked off with emile hirsch's long lost cosmic twin, andrew vait and his band, eternal fair. i nearly shed a tear when he said they didn't have any albums available yet BUT that didn't dampen the golden set these indie rockers flawlessly executed. though definitely harnessing his own sound, andrew had the innate ability to conjure phil collins, kings of leon's caleb followill and panic! at the disco's brendan urie all at once. other times, he just let his fingers do the talking with some face-melting guitar solos (although i was strongly tempted to let MY fingers do the talking in his gorgeous mop of hair...le sigh). all in all, a rousing set by a group hitting their musical stride. do yourself a favor and see them next friday, july 22nd at ballard's own sunset tavern.

now, where do i even begin with allen stone? he's a black voice trapped in a white body. stevie wonder's gestures and head sway with john mayer's facial expressions. he's got a ridiculously soul-filled sound that would make the likes of elvis and jackie wilson roll in their graves. he's that damn good. he opened with some crowd pleasing folk covers further enhanced by the bevy of friends including some of seattle's finest up-and-comers. when he finally did launch into his own arsenal of songs there wasn't a bystander in the house. hundreds of literal hot bodies in motion were funking the shizzzzz outta the place as allen brought the house down. big ups to the two wasted girls to my right who shoved and spilled beer on me roughly 23 times. you weren't annoying at all. allen ended up performing (with a costume change and ever-present prospector's hat) for just over two glorious hours and i couldn't wipe the grin off my face. he's a master at what he does - born to perform and croon to the masses. for an encore, allen KILLED ITTTTTT with his fan favorite, "last to speak". video of that and my favorite song "figure it out" below.

with alessandra rose and ben carson from HBIM

with alessandra rose, kris orlowski, and andrew vait of eternal fair