bridesmaids: a review

you know the great thing about being a blogger? i can deem myself competent enough to do things like review hysterical films, without really having the credentials to do so. booyah. so, since it's fresh in my mind, i have to talk to you about bridesmaids - the funniest, most gut-wrenching movie i have ever seen. this is the vulgar comedy women like me have waited an eternity to see. though i like to think i have a cunning wit and sharp sense of humor (and super humble) i typically am not the "laugh aloud" type in theaters; i find people like that slightly annoying. but watching six foul-mouthed comediennes put a man-flick like the hangover to SHAME by being infinitely more witty, clever and push way more social boundaries had me rolling the entire time. besides, kristin wiig has had me in her back pocket ever since moonlighting as a bitchy assistant in knocked up and it doesn't hurt that she's my most fave SNL regular (you know, the retarded sister with baby hands in the lawrence welk skits with a five-head and snaggleteeth?)

here's the premise in case you haven't seen the movie yet. kristin wiig leads the cast as annie walker, the out-of-luck former baker that's now doing time at a shitty jewelers and living with two foul british siblings and eventually with her celebrity-caricature-drawing mother. when annie's lifelong best friend lillian (played by maya rudolph) gets engaged, she sets out to prove she can kill it as an MOH and heads up an all-star cast of fellow bridesmaids in the usual pre-wedding antics - bach party, dress shopping, luncheons, showers, etc.when confronted with lillian's new, filthy rich BFF helen, annie lives like she's got something to prove. although broke as a joke, she bumbles and bluffs her way through MOH-dom but doesn't come out unscathed, managing to ruin pretty much everything associated with the her maidly duties. the hilarity that ensues is side splitting. you can forget whatever your favorite movie was before, because bridesmaids will undoubtedly replace it. sidenote: while i ADORE all the ladies in this film, melissa mccarthy (formerly known as suki on gilmore girls) completely steals the show as the groom's butchy sister with enough killer one-liners to fill a book.

i could recount each of my favorite scenes to you but then i'd be spending my precious time detailing the entire 2 hour film and keeping $9 in your pocket and i wouldn't want to do something like that in these tough economic times. i did especially love the dress shopping fiasco, when annie takes the gang to a brazilian hole-in-the-wall for lunch and ends up giving the entire bridal party the sweats and shits in a bridal boutique. but my most favorite scene is the plane ride heading to a bachelorette weekend in vegas. it was just one show-stopping quote after another. i'll leave you with a few juicy ones below. if you had a fave, share!

if you have a pulse, you MUST go see it while it's still in theaters. grab your girls (or guys) and get ready for 120 minutes of laughing until the tears come. it's double duty - you exercise your liver and get your monthly cry in!



drunk annie: it's called CIVIL RIGHTS. this is the 90's.

megan: i'm glad he's single, cause i'm gonna climb him like a tree.

rita: what are we doing for the bachelorette party?
megan: female fight club. i say we grease up and - SURPRISE! beat the crap out of her.

helen: it's not good to have a meal before a fitting.
megan: not for me. i naturally just don't bloat.

rita: (talking about her 3 boys) they are cute, but when they reach that age...DISGUSTING. they smell, they are sticky, they say things that are horrible. everything is covered in semen. i literally broke a blanket in half the other day.

annie's mom: i'm sure she meets him in the evening, beaver first.

bhldn's marketing ploy

old news but has anyone seen BHLDN?

it's the latest brainchild of anthropologie, also known in my home as Mecca. while i love anthropologie (and their sales racks within which very nearly had me convinced i needed a $199 gold driftwood lamp last week), bhldn is reaaaaaalllllllly cookin' my grits. first there was the internet BUZZ over it's arrival. many blogs overused the word "swoon" in countless derivatives such as, "swoon-worthy", "positively swooning", "swoonfest", etc. do they realize that swooning is synonymous with fainting, losing consciousness, or "a state of hysterical rapture or ecstasy"?

regardless, now that they have come out with their decor line, i believe i've discovered their marketing strategy which i've outlined in the below faux dialogue.

marketing director (MD): go to the nearest flea market and buy everything you see that is dainty, rustic and looks like it came from your dead grandmother's estate sale. anything that looks dirty, heavily used or older than 1995, we will call "vintage"

buyer: (100 hours later) okay, i scoured the place and found some SWOON-WORTHY finds!

MD: oh, DO show!

buyer: rust-covered vintage forks! handkerchiefs! a dirty old bucket to hold ice and retro bottles of soda pop! and a bunch of vintage plates we can epoxy to these vintage goblets and sell as "vintage treat pedestals" for $78+!

MD: gosh, i'm just swooning over these! great job, buyer. now, how much did all of this cost?

buyer: i got three truckloads of junk, er, stuff for $175.

MD: perfect. let's mark everything up 1,000-fold and slap it on BHLDN's website by early next week. that will give us enough time to generate some internet buzz and get frothing brides-to-be in a preemptive tizzy over our latest line!

i'm no heartless monster. i do find all of their things quite cunning, delightful and their website a veritable explosion of everything today's bride desires - lace, scalloped edges, glitter in abundance, birds, old wood, cork and everything in miniature. i'm not immune to the adorableness of it all, i promise! but i also refuse to pay $328 for a cake server even if it's handmade by an italian artisana and consists of a "soft texture achieved through a repetitive hammering technique". i also will not be purchasing a $224 paper flower bouquet or a $598 cake topper with a Swarovski-encrusted bow, pearls, brass and enameled metal.

thank you, BHLDN for making brides everywhere feel the need to sell their first born to afford your silver dipped leaf placeholders. forget you (or the cee-lo version, whichever you prefer).